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It Comes In Waves

from Depression Era Thinking by Pete Miser

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lyrics

It Comes In Waves

it comes in waves
there’s nothing to say everything has been washed away
it comes in waves
it comes in waves

it comes in waves
it’s not a matter of being brave or trying hard to engage
it comes in waves
it comes in waves

I never found a way to speak about the trauma
without swerving off a cliff of melodrama
it’s the key detail and it can’t be ignored
I’m the youngest of two but was the youngest of four

idolized my older brothers but they took their own lives
and I still haven’t recovered even though I’ve tried
my insides twisted up the hurt is insane
the irony is that they did it to ease pain

and now I’ve lived more years without them than I lived with them
suicide is not a crime but everyone’s a victim
imagine what my mom went through back in the eighties
raising four boys working divorced lady

and “maybe maybe maybe” “what if? what if?”
pointless empty questions that are hard to live with
tried to shift my perspective but the bullshit stayed
and now mom’s gone too grief comes in waves

it comes in waves
there’s nothing to say everything has been washed away
it comes in waves
it comes in waves

it comes in waves
it’s not a matter of being brave or trying hard to engage
it comes in waves
it comes in waves

everything is mixed up in my head
loss brings up the losses the dead beget the dead
friends have lost a parent but it didn’t smash their heart
friends have lost a dog and they fucking fell apart

me? I lost my mom atomic bomb
my own private Hiroshima wrong gone wrong
brought up every loss I ever suffered in the past
“thought I knew” think fast

and even in a million years those waves won’t wash away

credits

from Depression Era Thinking, released August 1, 2017
written, produced and performed by Pete Miser
P. Ho (Big Brother Lin Drum Music, BMI)
vocal samples: Maya Azucena

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Pete Miser Brooklyn, New York

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